Finding Your Purpose

By Allison Ryan, WomensHappiness.com Staff Writer
Today I saw the preview for the soon-to-be-released documentary, “Born to be Wild”.  The film, as reviewed by Robert Levin, “depicts the work and passions of Dr. Biruté Galdikis and Dame Daphne Sheldrick, the former a Bornean scientist and an advocate for orangutans, the latter a Kenyan conservationist and expert in raising elephants. The women have devoted their lives to the rehabilitation and care of young orphaned orangutans and elephants, respectively, and the picture takes you inside their work to that end, splitting its time between the Daphne & David Sheldrick Animal Orphanage and Dr. Galdikis’ Camp Leakey.”
I was moved by the dedication and passion of these women. They are making the world a better place by following their dreams and believing those dreams are possible.

While watching the clip, I had a thought followed by sadness, followed by clarity and finally acceptance of something I have known deep down, for a long time. In order to accept it, I needed the help of baby orangutans.

The film clip focused on the baby Orangutans. For the first three years of their lives, these tiny orphaned animals are rescued from the wild and given a human surrogate mother. The surrogates feed them, bathe them, and bond with them. They do what mothers do: create a place of harmony, safety and trust.

Each day the mothers take the baby orangutans into the jungle, where the babies will go to live after their short time with the surrogates. 
 Paradoxically, the measuring stick for the mothers will be how well the orangutans do without them in the jungle.

The second part of the equation of femininity, from the Seventh Sense Program, is “belonging to a creative purpose greater than one’s self.”
 As women we face choices about between belonging and purpose. Often we must trade one for the other. Belonging is tricky. Women tend to make decisions through consensus. Do you think he likes me? What should I wear? What do you think? It is easy to forget about ourselves and where our individual passions lie.
We are, it seems lulled into a comfort zone. If this is good enough for the group, then it seems to be good enough for us. We forget to define ourselves as individuals within the group. Once we remember that we are individuals, with unique needs and interests and perhaps, quirky traits, we give ourselves the gift of reinvention.
We take what we have learned and combine it with who we want to become. We direct our lives and passions to ultimately grow into a new woman, a more unique woman, our true selves. On our own terms, we can discover a dream worth living from long ago that was buried deep down, waiting for the right day at the right time. 
For me, the time came while watching the film clip. My first thought was how much I would love to be one of those women. I had to ask myself, “Could I possibly want another baby?”  This question was followed by a very quick response, “no, I really, REALLY don’t want another baby. I want to help a baby Orangutan”.
Inner dialogue at it’s best. 
It was a bittersweet and truly liberating moment. I was finally admitting to myself what I had known for so long, no more babies. My two children are 9 and 13 years old, and I will never have another child. I now feel sad for all of the what-if’s and maybe’s that seem so important on sleepless nights. What if I am not done nurturing? What if I am admitting I am no longer young? What if I meet a man and he wants to have a baby? 
The movie clip helped me redefine my perception of what it means to be a mother. With my older child, my daughter, at age 13, I just steps away from the mouth of the jungle. I know that they are going to be able to live in the jungle. I have no doubth that they will thrive. But for a long time, I have been needed. I have been passionate about being their mother. How will I let their hands go?

Being needed has helped me to define myself. I have always felt a deep sense of satisfaction, happiness and belonging while raising babies. 

This baby orangutan moment” made me wonder: “am I afraid to let go? Am I afraid to walk out of the jungle alone, with no one there when I turn around to leave who needs me to hold on to their hand?"

I realized that I will always be needed, though not in the same way I have been in the past. I have to redefine.

I believe every woman will be faced with a moment similar to mine, regardless of weather or not it involves kids. The moment could involve a job, a relationship or a marriage. The most important lesson: do not to be afraid to redefine yourself. 

Embrace and appreciate your own baby orangutan moments.