The "Madonna-Whore" Complex in Men

Q: Can you explain to me what the Madonna/Whore thing is in men? How would you deal with a man with this complex? What aspects of a man do you look for if you want to avoid this kind of man?

A: Sigmund Freud wrote about the Madonna-Whore complex, in which men tend to compartmentalize women into two groups: vixens who can satisfy them sexually (but who they would never marry) and virtuous women who they would marry and have children with but cease to regard as sexual. A man who holds the complex believes that a woman cannot be both a vixen and virtuous. Freud attributed the complex to having a cold and distant mother.

Notice the religious language in the term “Madonna-Whore complex.” Like many romantic and sexual concepts rooted in religion, this one addresses a conflict between two areas of the human brain: the Reptillian Brain and the Higher Brain.

The Reptilian Brain controls our unconscious, our instincts and our sex drive. The Higher Brain houses our reasoning capability and our ability to conceive of such concepts as morality, marriage and virtue.

Early religions cast anything having to do with the Reptilian Brain as the work of the devil or sinful. This makes sense. Early human beings were not aware of the unconscious mind. Before Darwin and Freud, sexual impulses seemed to come from outside of our conscious mind and therefore outside of ourselves. Sexuality really seemed like it could the work of an outside actor, like the devil.

Meanwhile, the Higher Brain, which helped mankind organize into communities, fight battles and learn about nature through science, seemed like the work of God.

At some point, most religions began to teach that God (the Higher Brain) is a good thing that’s within us, and the devil (the Reptilian Brain) is the bad thing outside of us that tempts us to do sinful things, like be sexual. In reality, everybody has a Reptilian Brain and a Higher Brain. Therefore, a man’s sexual desire for the vixen comes from within him. It does not from the Devil, and it is not evil or sinful. Likewise, the vixen has a Higher Brain and is capable of being a virtuous woman. And the virtuous woman has a Reptilian Brain and is capable of being a vixen.

Today, many more people understand the Reptilian Brain than in Freud’s day. If a man today holds a Madonna-Whore complex, then the source is probably either 1) he believes in fundamentalist religious teachings, or 2) he simply is woefully out of touch with his own Reptilian Brain and his own sexual impulses.

One way to find out whether a man holds this complex is to act both ways toward him and observe how he reacts. If you are a woman, then you are both a virtuous woman and a vixen. If you act like a vixen toward the man and he cannot accept it, then he might have the complex to some degree. He sees you only as the virtuous woman.

If he can’t handle you in the role of the virtuous woman – as a potential wife and mother of his children – then he sees you, incorrectly, only as a vixen who is not good enough to be wife and mother.

We suspect that very few men today in Western society have a Madonna-Whore complex as Freud defined it. Men who follow fundamentalist religious teachings are probably most likely to have it.

**Learn much more about the male and female Reptilian Brain in the Seventh Sense Program, in addition to a comprehensive overview of the psychology of dating and long-term relationships.

**The Complete Feminine Empowerment program offers a comprehensive understanding of the female Reptilian Brain to improve every aspect of your life.